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'The Best Interests of the Child'
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The Best Interests of the Child
How to Save Our Child When
We Can’t Save our Marriage
An In-Depth Dialogue with Dr. Warren Farrell
Author, Father and Child Reunion,
The largest meta-analysis ever done on what is best for children of divorce.
For years we had theories. Now we have answers. Answers based on tens of thousands of real-life experiences and hard scientific evidence.
Imagine hiring one of the world’s top minds to spend years to discover the best research, analyze it, and in two hours, give unexpected answers to questions like these:
What three conditions must prevail if your child is to have the best chance of doing well psychologically, socially, academically and physically?
Is an excellent stepparent as good or better than a so-so biological parent?
If one parent has a job opportunity that will allow for the child to be in a nicer home and better school district, but it is across the country from the other parent, will moving be helpful to the child?
If your child can be in a “new intact family” that’s peaceful and loving, but at a distance from a biological parent, is that better than being shuttled back-and-forth from mom to dad?
Are there certain advantages to your child being brought up primarily by mom, or primarily by dad? Does it make a difference if that child is a boy or a girl?
In high-conflict situations can shared parenting work for the child? If not, should the child be with the parent with whom the child has been living, or are there more important considerations?
How far apart is optimum for parents to live?
At what age should a child’s parental preference be important? Which explanations for preference are actually signs the child should have more time with the other parent?
How important is overnight time with the child?
Dr. Farrell then identifies the three biases most likely to lead judges to deny children equal time with their dad. All three of these biases can be overcome via Dr. Farrell’s let-the-research-speak manner.
Here are the three biases…
The Geographical Stability Bias. Many judges feel that if a child has lived primarily with a mom, it is in the best interest of the child to remain with her after divorce. Dr. Farrell explains why this geographical stability often leads to psychological instability.
The Mother Bias. While most judges know children do best with both parents, if a mom’s objection appears to force a choice, mom is given the edge. However, the new research shows that children of divorce raised primarily by dad are more likely to do better psychologically, physically, academically and socially than those raised primarily by mom. Once the mom knows the judge could choose the dad as the primary parent, mom’s objections to shared parenting diminish.
The "If-the-couple-is-in-conflict-joint-custody-will-not-work" Bias. The Mother Bias gives moms an incentive to create conflict to get primary custody. Dr. Farrell explains why the more the conflict, the more shared parenting is important. Once the mom knows that increasing conflict could lead to shared parenting, mom’s incentive to increase conflict is erased.
Until all three of these biases are fully confronted, children whose parents appear in court are likely to be deprived of the full benefits of their dad.
